Delivery of Daisies

The floral shop was raving. People were knocking over all of my hard work and demanding to see my manager. The rose petals were spread around the floor, the lilac leaves sweeping across the displays, and pollen was everywhere. The only flowers that were untouched were daisies. Children were playing with vases, trying to play baseball. Crash. Great, another mess that was my responsibility. Sigh, why do I even try? Beep, beep, beep. The fire alarm? Wonderful, just wonderful. Beep,  beep, beep. What am I going to do? I’ll be fired and this is the only job I have and I’ll starve and live in a box and die alone. Beep, beep, beep. I’ve accepted my fate, I’ll just close my eyes.

I woke up. This was one of many recurring nightmares I had, yet repetition didn’t make it any less stressful. I pulled my Royal Flowers uniform shirt over my brown mess of hair and pulled up my khakis. I swept my hair into a messy bun* and rushed out the door.

I drove to work, alone. Normally, I carpooled with my boyfriend, but he was busy today. Maybe he didn’t actually like me. Maybe I was just his pity date. “No,” I told myself. “Pity relationships don’t last for three years.” To everybody in the traffic around me, I probably looked insane talking to myself, but it was how I settled myself down.

I arrived at work. My manager was already there, setting up the shop. Overall, we had a great friendship. However, every time I had those dreams I just felt uncomfortable around her. She was in the middle of restocking the roses, so I joined her. Within an hour, all of the flowers had been restocked but daisies. The daisies never needed to be restocked. I never understood why the flowers were unpopular, but I guess it made my job easy. My boss looked up. “Today, we have a big delivery to make to the cathedral.”

“Can’t the delivery guy do it?” I questioned.

“He took a personal day, something about yoga.”

It seemed like it was going to be my problem to deal with. In general, deliveries were my least favorite because I’m unsocial. Deliveries require talking to people, and that means stress. “What kind of flower?” I asked.

“Three dozen daisies.”

Seeing my confusion, my boss continued, “I guess they’re not completely useless.”

I shrugged and went to pack the van. I hopped in the van and started to drive. “Just don’t be awkward and smile,” I told myself. Quickly, I arrived at the breath-taking glass cathedral. I had always dreamt of getting married there. I knocked on the door, “Delivery, three dozen daisies,” I yelled. The door opened. “They’re for you,” a voice replied. “What?” I responded. The man turned around, and I realized it was my boyfriend. Before I could recognize what was happening, he took my hand and brought me down the aisle. Once we reached the end, he turned around. “Will you marry me?” he whispered. I broke down into tears. “Yes!” I exclaimed.

*I don’t mean one of those cute messy buns, more like trash can with fly-aways on top of my head bun.

Aida: A Tragic Theatrical Production

Preface: I know that Aida is not necessarily a classic, nor an extremely depressing tragedy. However, I decided that this was the closest thing to a tragedy that I’ve seen.

In Disney’s Aida, an Egyptian prince/commander falls in love with one of the slaves he has captured. Their star-crossed love is forbidden, so they are forced to keep it under wraps. The prince already has a pre-arranged marriage with the queen of Egypt, so when he decides to call off the planned wedding, chaos erupts. The couple is sentenced to death together, and the musical ends.

The star-crossed lovers die in one another’s arms under the reign of the Queen.

Personally, I loved the plot and fell into a deep pool of thought afterwards. Now, obviously not everyone is into romance and love stories, but that kind of literature is right up my alley. After walking out of the theatre, I felt like I was part of the story and I was leaving it behind. The suspense of the play had kept my attention and made me feel involved in the story. When I was not satisfied with a happy ending, I almost felt offended that the musical didn’t end the way I predicted. Overall, the tragic elements of the narrative induced critical thinking about what true love is and the theme of the musical.

 

 

Affirmation Time!

I decided to challenge myself to give one sentence affirmations to everybody in our Honors Western Literature class. Here you go:

Henry: I admire your deep insight on topics in class and I enjoy your sarcastic sense of humor.

Hannah: You make me laugh and I appreciate your total honesty in all situations.

Rae: Although you just joined our class this semester, I treasure your artistic and creative mindset.

Claire: I cherish your willingness to always pitch your opinion into group discussions.

Rachel: I look up to your level of critical thinking and I take delight in having a couple classes with you.

Paige: Your confidence in class is inspiring and I am grateful for the questions that you ask (especially the ones we all have).

Justin: I commend your boldness to stand up for what you believe in every circumstance.

Chloe: I value your optimism, your overall friendliness towards everyone, and singing with you in choir.

Juno: Your bitterly hilarious jokes always brighten up my day and sitting next to you is always a joy.

Riley: I respect the amount of hard work you put into everything you do, from schoolwork to CrossFit.

Kayla: I have loved getting to know you over the course of this year; your wisecracks are so funny and are one of the reasons I look forward to classes.

Christian: I love having you in both my P.E. and Western Literature classes because you are super witty and kind.

Faith: Your organizational skills never cease to amaze me and your imaginative typography is beautiful.

Adie: I am always impressed by the diversity of your skills and I want to affirm the passion you have for everything you do.

Theresa: The growth mindset that you have is awesome and the standard you hold yourself to is something I look up to.

Trystam: No matter how many times you make sarcastic comments, you really are a considerate person with a wonderful sense of humor.

Ashley: Your blatant honesty and sociable personality add positivity to my life on a daily basis.

🙂

Estella’s Poem: Trapped

Trapped.

Like a beautiful snow leopard in a cage surrounded by steel bars.

Only meant to be looked at.

When released into the wild, the leopard is lost.

No matter how much training it has received, its instincts guide it through the maze.

It makes its decisions on its own, even if its path has already been planned.

Trapped.

Like me.

 

(Also, just a side note: I am not much of a poet, but I tried. 🙂 )

Rehab or Reprimand?

In Great Expectations, the readers watch the development of Magwitch, the convict in the beginning of the book. Although Pip’s first impression of him is one made of pure fear, Pip learns that Magwitch worked out to change and even funded Pip’s gentleman expenses. The novel goes to show that criminals do have the potential to change. This leads to the debate of how fugitives should be treated when they are incarcerated. One side says that they should be punished for the wrong doings, but another group says they should be counseled and directed in the right direction by slow restoration. While most felons in our government are penalized, should they be encouraged to re-become an active member of society?

Personally, I believe that our federal government should use a mix of both. While I think that prisoners deserve a fighting chance to recover, I do not think that they should be treated like royalty. For example,  the convicts do not need gourmet meals, but they do need nutritional food. They should not be treated as less than people. I think that during their sentences, the offenders should receive counseling and occupational training so that they are prepared for when they are released. However, jails shouldn’t be luxury because the people in them do need to learn from their mistakes. To wrap it all up, capital punishment might be too harsh in some ways, but still works in other ways.

An Analysis of Great Expectations: A Bildungsroman

Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations is well known for following the story of a small boy, Pip, on his journey into adulthood. Pip undergoes a ton of physical,  emotional, and psychological changes throughout the novel. However, Estella, Miss Havisham’s adopted daughter, matures along with Pip.

In the beginning of the book, Pip is an innocent, submissive, young child. The loss of his parents and the abuse from his sister has made him passive and reserved. Pip’s only friend is Joe, his sister’s husband, so Pip relies on him for everything. When Miss Havisham requires Pip’s presence in her run-down mansion, suddenly Pip feel even more inferior. This is caused by Estella’s crude nature and her blatant honesty about his low social status. Pip feels like he needs to fix his family and his behavior for Estella. Pip eventually becomes a gentleman, and that makes him view Joe and some of his childhood friends as below him.  When Joe comes to visit Pip in London, Pip is embarrassed by his sloppy manners and incorrect grammar. During Joe’s visit, Pip even says, “and [Joe] dropped so much more than he ate, and pretended that he hadn’t dropped it; that I was heartily glad when Herbert left us for the city” (Dickens 174). Pip doesn’t even want his roommate to be around Joe. So far, Pip’s maturity has just caused a meek boy to transform into a boastful man.

The readers never got an incredible impression of Estella from the start. When we meet Estella, she is rude and torturous towards Pip. She has no filter and shows that her only purpose is to hurt men. As the plot progresses, we learn that her personality is Miss Havisham’s doing and that Estella did not choose to grow up like that. Personally, I think that Estella really does want love and affection (and to be able to reciprocate it, too). Estella’s development has almost been the opposite of Pip’s. She has become more reasonable and more resilient towards Miss Havisham. For example, when Miss Havisham told Estella she was cold, Estella responded, “I am what you have made me.” (Dickens 238). Estella is gradually becoming lot less heartless (even though she still is).

 

 

An Appreciation Post for My Dog

Disclaimer: I know that there is a lot of political controversy that I could write about, but I think that we all need to just appreciate some things in life.

This is my dog, Mac.

Well, that’s his nose. Here’s a better picture:

Mac is a chocolate Australian Labradoodle (Labrador Retriever and Poodle). He’s five years old, but we’ve had him for two. We got him from a friend battling cancer. As much as she loved Mac, a big dog like him was not going to help her recover. So, we agreed to take care of him for a couple months.

Sadly, she passed away after a long struggle. We made the decision to keep Mac permanently, going to show that good outcomes can come from bad situations.

On a happier note, Mac is a wonderful dog. One thing is certain, though. Mac loves attention, even if it means getting disciplined. He loves trouble so much that we gave him a middle name, Charles. My mom said that anyone in our house who is going to cause problems needs one. His three favorite ways to get in trouble are:

1. Stealing socks and other cloth objects (towels, gloves, etc.) from upstairs, parading around until someone notices what is in his mouth, and then sprinting down the stairs so that you have to chase him.
2. Sleeping on the couches, even though he knows he’s not supposed to.
3. Eating anything and everything off of the counter when we leave the house. (His favorite foods are my mom’s gluten-free desserts.)

The worst punishment for Mac is not receiving attention. On days when he is extra mischievous,  we ignore him for an hour. He tries everything to be pet, but he learns his lesson by the end.

Even though he loves to be ornery, I love Mac. I am thankful we have him and love coming home to him everyday.

Can We Choose Who We Love?

Can we choose who we love? This is a question that most of us have not thought about before, but have an opinion on. Personally, I believe that we can not directly control who we love, although we can control whom we associate with. If we never talk to someone or get to know them, chances are, we are not going to fall in love with that person. Once we meet someone though, we can not control our feelings for them. Romantic love is involuntary, but does not mean that it will always be reciprocated by both people.

On the other hand, I think we can control who we do not love. I think it is much easier to make a conscious decision not to fall in love than to fall in love. This might seem contradictory, but it is true. Think about it. There are some people that you know you will never fall in love with, for one reason or another.  First impressions heavily impact these simple choices. It is easy to decide within the first minute of meeting someone if you’ll bond with them. Some people and their personalities do not mix and match with and you and your personality and this is can not be controlled or changed by either person.

Another concept that I have pondered is if love, if not repaid by the other person, expires. Is it possible to completely stop loving someone if they do not love you back? I personally think that the only way to truly stop loving someone (and I do not mean start hating them) is to fall in love with someone else. Unless they love you and you are together forever, I think you have to fall out of love by falling into love again with another person who will make you feel loved back.

I also wonder if you did not originally love someone, but discover that they love you, if you can fall in love with them then? I know that sounds confusing, but can someone loving you influence the way you feel about them? If you did not consider someone an option before, can knowing about their feelings change the view you have on them? If you decide to love them back, is it true love? Love is a crazy concept because it is swayed by biology, psychology, environment, and society. It is unpredictable because everyone has a different opinion on how it should work and who should have it.

I apologize for the intensity of all of these questions, I know they are all kind of confusing. If you have an opinion (or multiple opinions) on any of these topics, leave a comment. Also, if you have other eye-opening questions, feel free to comment them below too.

What do you think about love? What is love actually? Does love exist? Why do we feel love? Why am I asking so many profound questions? (To answer that last one, I actually have no clue.)

My New Year’s Resolutions

Hello, y’all. This is the first post of 2017, and if you haven’t noticed, I’m posting early. In this New Year, I plan to procrastinate less. I also plan to work out more and eat healthier. I know that these are typical resolutions and that they normally result in failure, but nonetheless, it’s worth a shot. For Christmas, I got a weight set (with 2 lbs, 3 lbs, and 5 lbs) and new Nike tennis shoes, so I’m hoping those things will motivate me. Another resolution I have is to read my Bible more. I always run out of time because of homework (most likely procrastination) or because I’m simply too tired. Hopefully, I can make it an important priority so that it is not tedious, but relaxing.

Usually, I’m not one for resolutions, nor “New Year, New Me.” I think that without specific goals, these things are frivolous. One can try and try to make change, but without motivation and persistence, it’s near impossible. This year, I hope that I can find a balance and be able to accomplish what I set my mind to, along with all of you!

Disappointment In Great Expectations

Sigh, disappointment. The feeling that we all get when we are let down. When something does not end up being as we expected (like I discussed in an earlier post). In Chapter 20 and 21 of Great Expectations by Charles Dickens, Pip is delivered to his new master and new home. Pip arrives at Mr. Jaggers workplace, only to find it is not the most glorious of jobs, and that Mr. Jaggers is not especially liked. After spending the day observing Mr. Jaggers, Pip goes to Bernard’s Inn, only to find that it is a broken down establishment instead of the classy hotel he once imagined. I can empathize with Pip, as I have been disappointed before. For example, last night. I had cancelled on a friend to go with my family to a neighborhood holiday party. There was supposed to be a horse-drawn carriage, the Clauses, and hot chocolate. My family of seven changed into winter clothes because it was twenty-two degrees, and as you can imagine, that took a long time. We all loaded in the car only to drive there and discover the celebration was not until next Saturday. I was disappointed because all day I had been looking forward to it, similar to Pip. Pip had been waiting months for the day to come, meaning he had months to fantasize. Pip and I both felt the sting of disappointment.

Although I do not enjoy disappointment, I do think it is a key way to grow as a human. In the moment, disappointment causes anguish and anger. After recovering and realizing that the let down was not a big deal, a new appreciation for life is created. Instead of taking small things for granted, it is easier to notice what we have to be thankful for and what we should cherish. Disappointment leads to reflection, which leads to deeper thinking and analyzing. I do not think that disappointment is necessary to life, but I definitely think that it builds character and makes a better human being.